Happy Birthday, Joe!

Today is my brother's birthday. Which brother? Well, the one whose smile can make my day, or whose tears can break my heart. My brother, in every sense of the word...Joe. What makes him so special? I've often asked myself that same question. The truth is, without him, I would not be here. He and Daniel (the other peice of my heart) saved my life. Without them, I would most certainly not have made it. Let me tell you a little about Joe. He was born when I was only three years old. I can barely remember it, being so young and all, although I do remember the sense of responsibility that came over me even at three years old. Here was this innocent little baby, unfairly born into the destructive life we were being forced to live in. And so, on June 15, 1983, my journey into adulthood began. Joe has always had the ability to capture my heart. His personality makes him such that even when you are so angry at him you can't see straight, you can't help but love him. And boy, has he made me prove it. Joe has had many struggles in his life. Like many of us who are adopted, issues of rejection, loss and inner doubt tortured him for years. He chose to act out these issues in very destructive ways. I spent years sobbing over my brother Joe. Why didn't he understand how important and precious he really is? Why can't he realize that NOTHING that happened to him was his fault? Why couldn't I protect him from the hurt, and why couldn't I heal his heart? Why? Because I myself was just a child, dealing with the exact same issues...being tormented by the exact same self-doubt, rejection and loss. There have been times when Joe has questioned everything. I know, because I could see the confusion in his face, and I could feel the hurt in his heart...and it cut through me like a knife. The times when he called me from jail, crying, and begging me to bail him out almost killed me. But I didn't, because I knew that he had to understand consequences. All the while, though, I was comforted by one thought. I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that Joe understood what it was to be loved. He knew that his big sister Yolie, no matter what happened, loved him from the bottom of her heart. He has told me this. He has told me that even when he shouted at me in despair that I didn't love him, he knew. He knew that my love for him wasn't going anywhere. And when our past came back to haunt us, not so long ago, even through the confusion and deception of others, he knew. And so, it is with great joy that I celebrate the birth of my brother, Joe. A brother who is now a fantastic father to a beautiful baby girl. A brother who has grown up so much in the last year that I hardly recognize him sometimes. A brother who makes me so proud. A brother who can still make my day with his smile, and who, thank God, no longer makes me cry. I love my brother Joe with so much of my heart that sometimes I wonder how there is room for so many others. But, then I realize that had it not been for my brother Joe (and Daniel), that capacity might have been crushed by the reality of my first eleven years of life. So, really, I am indebted to Joe. Without him...well, let's not even go there. Happy Birthday, Joe. You know I love you. -