Long Week

It's been a heck of a time around here since last Monday. So much has gone on that it would be hard to remember it all. If you read my mom's blog you alredy know that Deysi, Saray and Marcela's birth mother passed away. It was one of the saddest nights we've had in our family. Deysi, Saray and Marcela were my mom's first sibling group, adopted from Honduras. Their adoption pretty much started my mom down the path to our large family now. It was very difficult to watch them so broken over Mama Daisy's death. At the same time, it was uplifting to see how our family rose to the occasion and comforted, held, loved and cared for them during this time. Joey, who is one of mom's most difficult kids, sat down on the sofa with his arms around Marcela and tears streaming down his face. The truth is, I'm not even sure he knew the name Mama Daisy until that night, but he did know that his sisters were hurting and that's all that mattered. I spent pretty much all day every day last week at mom's house, just trying to find the right thing to say to my sisters. Of course, there is no right thing, so instead I just sat with them, sometimes just letting them cry and sometimes laughing as we reminisced on the good old days when we were all teenagers (I heard that snort, mother). Again, it was a time for family and I think we all stepped up to the plate.

In addition to that (or maybe because of that tough week), CJ and I have been fighting a terrible bug. CJ has been to the Dr. twice and he woke up this morning still in bad shape. Thank God I'm feeling a little better, as it's been tough to take care of him while I'm sick. My sweet husband has really helped out with him (as he always does). It seems that being sick is in the air right now, as Saray's kids were sick and poor Odd Toddler Ray was hospitalized. Mom said Tabby's got some sort of something around her mouth/face and I'm conviced it's from something she stuck in her mouth. Last time I babysat her she came up to me and stuck her tongue out to show me that she had eaten a red colored pencil. Hey, at least she's not a picky eater.

With the death of Mama Dasiy, I hve spent a lot of time thinking about my own birth family. Deysi, Saray and Marcela were blessed to have two mothers who loved them unconditionally. They, therefore, reacted as expected with Mama Daisy's passing. They loved her and she loved them and it was probably one of the hardest things they will ever have to go through. The question I have been asking myself is "what will that look like for me?" I cannot even begin to imagine what I would feel if my birth mother passed away. There's still so much left unsaid and so many questions I know I'll never get answered. The biggest, "WHY??" has no answer and I remain committed to my decision not to have contact with her, but still, it makes you think. Really, I'm thinking more about my birth sister. If something happened to her I'd be devastated, and yet, in order for me to continue to move forward in my life (in positive ways) I feel that I have to let go. This is where I have the hardest time with forgiveness. Because of my birth mom, so many people have been hurt and must make heartwrenching decisions just to lead a stable life. She has no idea how much damage and destruction she left in her path. I constantly question my decisions regarding my birth sister because there is simply no easy answer. And yet, she goes about her life continuing to hurt and cause pain. It makes me very angry. On to other things now...