Yolie's World

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Wow, it's been a year!

My babies
Our new house
Me and Mae
My pretty baby girl, Mae
CJ's almost four now!

I can't believe it's been over a year since the last time I blogged.  So much has changed in the past year.  As I read the last post I put up, I was reminded of the feelings I felt leaving my old house and moving into my new one.  Little did I know that the next year would bring even bigger and scarier changes.  First off, we did finally get into our beautiful new home.  Chuck did such a fantastic job of building the perfect home for us.  We moved in in November and in January Chuck was laid off.  It began one of the scariest times we've had as a young family.  As of right now, we are still not totally stable, but God is good and He is our ultimate resource.  Chuck is working hard to grow his own business and we have had a good amount of work come our way on that front. I am still home with the kids, something I am even more grateful for in the midst of this difficult time, although I have picked up some work that allows me to stay home.  I'm now teaching the 4 year old class at church and am doing contract work for my old adoption agency (teaching pre-adoption trainings and such).  It's actually nice to be back in the adoption world (as if I ever left).  

I appreciate all the comments that were left on my last post. I seemed to have hit a pretty good topic, one that many adoptive parents seem to want to know more about.  As I re-read it, it hit me that one year later I am a little more confident in who I am.  I have maintained a slow and steady relationship with an older birth sister, where I am very careful with boundaries and with my own feelings.  Since she still has a relationship with my birth mother (something I have no desire to do), I am reluctant to allow myself to get too close.  It's sad, really.  She is the one person who I know loved me when I was little.  Her battle scars are much thicker than mine, as she is still a target for our birth mother and as she puts is "you (meaning me, yolie) were lucky, you got another mom...this one's the only  one I got."  I find myself not so angry at my birth mother anymore, just awed by the tragedy that she has created in so many people's lives.  It's just not fair that so many people lost so much because of the choices of one person.  Please, spare me the generational cycle lecture, believe me, I get that.  But, studying that in a college course does not begin to touch the very real damage that a person can do.  Someone has to make a choice to stop it.  There are mothers who have been abused and neglected who choose to not repeat that cycle.  You can't tell a child who's been through hell that her mama couldn't help it.  Sorry, it just doesn't work for me.  Wow, I guess I am still a little angry...
So, I'm not sure who I'm writing this blog for.  I guess it's just the babblings of someone who thinks she's got something to say.  It may or may not be helpful to anyone.  I don't know...
I am going to try to start blogging again.  If you have any questions or suggestions of topics you'd like me to blog about, please let me know.  Not much is too personal, I'm pretty much an open book.  I'd just really like to help people with questions about adoption.  Good to be back...

9 Comments:

  • At 6:15 PM, Blogger maeflye said…

    Here's some suggestions of things you haven't talked about:

    the transracial piece -- having a mom that doesn't look like you and how that felt growing up;

    what things were like when you were a teenager -- wy you made some of the choices you did;

    how and why your feelings toward your mom changed as you grew older....

    for starters ;-)

     
  • At 5:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I'm so glad to read your thoughts again, Yolie. Just a mom in Iowa who religiously reads your mom's blog with great interest and concern. I have yet to know how adoption will truly effect our kids when they're older and might think more about it. They're pretty settled, one home at twelve days (US newborn), two boys home each at 4yrs from Guatemala, and two girls home from Guatemala at 10 1/2yrs and 11yrs. More issues of course, adopting preadolescent girls. God blessed those four with no abusive relationships before their orphanage, but I know there have to be ways they look at life differently than a child who knew from the start how loved and special they were. My heart always breaks for you and your siblings and kids everywhere who didn't have that. Your beautiful family is such a testimony to God's neverending faithfulness (redundant phrase?). I'll never understand how hard it must be for God to "sit back" and allow the sin in the world to touch kids, but He shows Himself faithful to each life, in His own ways and own timing and wisdom. I'm so thrilled at what He has done for you, Yolie, as I can tell not only by your photos but by your writing and your moms what a beautiful wife/mother/daughter/sister you are.
    Nancy in Iowa

     
  • At 6:57 AM, Blogger renee said…

    I met you several years ago at the Atlanta zoo on adoption day soon after we had adopted for the second time. I now have 5 birth kids and 8 adopted, 10 still at home. I read your mom's blog every day and am so encouraged to keep on struggling as I am dealing with so many of the same things. I love to hear about you and Chuck and the kids because it gives me hope that some of mine who have been through hell early on can turn out differently than their birth families. Thanks for all you do and keep it up.God bless you.

     
  • At 7:09 AM, Blogger Jensboys said…

    I am also a reader of your mom's blog, (and an adoptive mom of 2, bio mom of 2 and foster mom of 2).

    I had read through your blog months ago I believe. Just keep writing - you have a valuable and interesting perspective to share. Dont write about what you think we will want to know, write about what is important to you. That's the greatest teacher to those of us that want to learn from your story.

    I am in Northern Canada and yet we still all find something to relate to, don't we? Love of our kids. Struggles in difficult economic times. Multi-racial families. Grief, pain, loss and importantly HOPE.

    God Bless you today.

    Jen

     
  • At 7:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Your kids are lucky to have inherited your engaging and truly lovely smile. No matter what happens, you'll get to see those smiles every day, and that alone is enough for which to be thankful .

     
  • At 7:56 AM, Blogger SocialWkr24/7 said…

    Hi Yolie, I found you through your Mom's blog and am thrilled you are going to start blogging again. I'm a social worker who is just going back to work in Child Welfare. I would love to know more about what being in the system is like from someone who lived it. Its important that I do the best I can to reduce the trauma that happens when children are removed from their birth family. Any and all discussion about your experience will be appreciated! (I'll also be going back to read some of your old posts!)

     
  • At 2:12 PM, Blogger Cindy said…

    Yolie - I don't know what you'll think of this. But let me just lay it out there. The first sib group we adopted was a bit more of a challenge than what we had bargained for. (Bet you've never heard that before.)

    You know what - could you please send me a private email. I think I'd rather send this to you privately and let you think about it rather than put it on the open blog. Your mom knows me.

    In His peace - Cindy
    MoM(Mom of Many)
    www.faithfulpromises.blogspot.com

     
  • At 2:35 PM, Blogger Melissa said…

    It's nice to hear the perspective of a child who's lived it on the "generational cycle" thing. It is totally different when you have lived it and you just know that people inherently KNOW what they SHOULD do they just choose not to. Hope to continue to hear more from you :)

     
  • At 7:48 PM, Blogger Linda B. said…

    Jensboys said what I would like to hear. What you want to write about...it's your perspective I am interested in.

     

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