Sarah and Me

This has been a tough time for my family. We are all agreeing in prayer that Sarah and the baby will come out of this with a great testimony about God's miracles. Of course, as is human nature, I am taking this personally and really having a tough time with the "WHY???" question. It just makes no sense to me. So, like any good adopted child with loss issues, last night I went right back into my defense mechanisms. Having been stressed out and off balance all day, I waited until my sweet husband got home and then lost it. I didn't just tell him I was worried and tense, I waited until I brought up something about the dinner I cooked and he simply agreed that it could have cooked a couple more minutes. Now, Chuck is the sweetest guy I know, and he never criticizes anything I do (even if I deserve it) but that gave me the excuse I needed to emotionally shut down and then lose it. I cried about the dinner, and my sweet husband asked me what the real issue was, and only then was I able to talk about my feelings regarding Sarah's hospitalization. So see, here I am, an adult adoptee whose supposedly got it together, and it is so easy for me to fall back into my childhood, foster kid defenses. Even the threat of a loss throws me over the edge, not to mention my mom is also worried which throws me even further off balance. Usually only one of us can be off balance at a time. I know we'll get through this as a family, but man is it gonna be tough for a while. Chuck, CJ, Lena and myself are heading to the hospital to take Sarah, Preston and Preston's mom Agua Linda (funny the only non-Hispanic sister wants Mexican food for comfort!). Everyone keep praying.