Shots and Motherhood

I have to take CJ to get his two month shots today. He gets FOUR whopping shots on two little, chubby legs. Poor baby. I've hardly slept for worrying about whether or not it will hurt him badly. I told mom how worried I was about it, and she told me that she never had a problem with it. She simply looked at it as a necessary thing and never really flinched when her babies had to get shots. I wonder if I'm overly sensitive to having CJ be in ANY pain (or even discomfort for that matter) because of my painful history? I know I tend to overdo things in order to "make up" for my past. For example, I am a huge over achiever. I couldn't get good grades in school, I had to make straight A's. I would cry if I got an A- instead of an A+. Mom and I have discusses this before, I we both tend to think that this overachieving is indeed a manifestation of my insecurities from childhood. But, since she's an overachiever as well, we both tend to agree that we will look at it not as an "issue" but as a positive quality. Now, back to CJ. I think I'll have to try really hard not to "overdo" motherhood. I want to be the best mom in the world, but I also have to come to the realization that if and when CJ hurts (whether it be from shots or from falling off a bike), it doesn't make me a bad mom. I do need to work on this. I find myself so worried about him being mad at me for something I did (like giving him his nasty reflux medicine), when in fact, he forgets about it within two minutes. Anyway, these are just my "issues" coming to the surface. At one point, when I was younger, I was terrified of being a mom. I told myself I'd never have kids, because I was so scared that I would not be a good mother...as if bad mothering ran in my genes or something. I had to work through those feelings and realize that I was not bound to my own bio mom's mistakes. Man, the "issues" we kids have to deal with are so far reaching. Of course, the people who "give" us these issues have no clue the longterm damage they can cause...but that's another blog. I'll make sure to update on how CJ did with his shots.