My blog makes everyone cry

Yesterday, Joe called me to tell me that he had just started reading my blog (in it's entirety) and his exact words were, "Yolie! don't EVER write a book. It will be depressing from the beginning to the end!". He also said, "Yolie! CJ is the second cutest baby in the world. Alyssa is the 1st!". We went on to agree that Alyssa could be the cutest girl and CJ the cutest boy. I was laughing as I tried to explain to him that my main audience was adoptive parents and that I felt a need to show them the reality of what their children are dealing with inside. I told him it was a good experience for them to read about to which he promptly responded "good experience for them, it sucked for us!". My whole point in reliving this conversation is that after I got off the phone, Lena, who has been staying with us for six months while Jesse (my brother) is on a deployment, went on to tell me that if she had only known me through my blog (and not on a daily basis for six months) she would think I was a very sad person. I have had others tell me that every time they read my blog they cry. Now I'm beginning to wonder what people think I'm like. Lena told me that sometimes she'll read by blog and when she sees me later that day she is expecting me to be tearful and down, instead I cut up with her and have fun with CJ all day. I guess I just want everyone out there to know that I consider this blog to be a good place to release my thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc. Very rarely do I walk around tearful and sad, I am by nature a pretty happy person. And I think I can be lots of fun to be around. That's one of the things about anyone who has been dealt hard blows...if you can come out of them with your sense of self and stability intact, then you have accomplished something. Yes, I do carry old hurts and yes my heart has scars over scars that are occasionally ripped off, but overall I try not to let that define who I am every day. It's interesting, because I've had my in-laws tell me before that they forget I had a bad childhood and that I'm adopted. I take that as a compliment because it makes me feel good that I do not wear my issues on my sleeve. I tend to choose very carefully who I let into that part of me (except of course on this blog, where anyone can read it), but in my personal life I do not express my deepest pain to just anybody. Most people I went to school with or just hung out with sometimes don't know about the neglect and abuse I suffered, in fact if they do find out they are often shocked. So, I guess I write all this out to say that I do not walk around sad and in deep thought all the time. I laugh, play, goof around, act serious when needed and think I'm overall a happy person. That doesn't mean I am not dealing with "adoption issues" or "bad childhood issues" it just means I'm bigger than them.