Good-Byes are hard

Yesterday my brother Jesse left after visiting with his wife for a week. We will not see him again for six months, as he is leaving for the Persian Gulf (Navy) in September. As we all said our good-byes I was reminded of how tough good-byes are for children with loss issues (me included). We used to laugh at our grandpa (before he and grandma lived here) because every year when our summer beach trip was over, he woud cry as we all hugged good-bye. Now, if it's difficult for a "normal" (I use the word loosely!) to deal with good-bye, just imagine a child to whom good-bye literally means "I'll never see you again." I have so many memories of good-byes that broke my heart. A child should never have to say good-bye to thier entire lives, and yet, children are put into situations where they must bid farewell to everything, sometimes multiple times in one year. I was very fortunate (again, I use the term loosely) that my brothers and I did not suffer through multiple foster homes. I think of some of my siblings who, when they finally reached our family, had had six or seven different moms...all of which they had to say good-bye to. No wonder when mom goes to pick up the girls from volleyball p ractice I hear over and over again the fear in my sibling's voice as they ask me "where's mom?" She could be gone fifteen minutes, and while I'm babysitting I am bound to hear at least one "is she coming back" or "why is she always gone?" (Mom is hardly ever gone and when she is it's to pick someone up or some such thing). Nevertheless, good-bye, I'll be back, and see you soon all raise a ton of loss issues in adopted children. I remember one year as we were trying to leave for t he beach, one of my brothers refused to get into the van. Instead, he rode around it on his bike while we all tried to coax him in. Just imaging, his bags are packed and if he gets in he'll see his house slowly disappear behind him, with no gaurantee he'll ever see it again. As adopted children, we've played out that scene one too many times...and that is why good-byes are hard for us.