Sibling Bonds

Last night was great. No, CJ did not sleep longer than two hours at a time. I did, though, find myself eating dinner and watching half a movie (before I fell asleep) with Joe, Tameshia, Alyssa, Daniel, Chuck and CJ. It was a bio. sib reunion at my house. I cannot tell you how satisfied I felt to have Joe and Daniel here at my house. Although I absolutely love ALL my siblings, it is very obvious to me that sibling groups have an undeniable bond between them. I have always maintained that it is because only Joe, Daniel and myself can validate that fact that we exicsted prior to being adopted. All the scars (physical and emotional) have a story, and only the sibs who were there with you can understand them. So many adoptive parents (not my mom, of course) make the terrible mistake of wanting thier adopted children to "get over the past" and "start fresh". While I have no doubt that these parents are totally well-intentioned, only wanting to heal thier children's past, it is very important never to discount the tremendous impact the years before the adoption had. Which is also why it is a tragedy when siblings are separated. Just a couple of days ago, my mom commented to me that Sabrina (one of my newest sisters) told her that Fernando (my new brother) had had his tonsild taken out. Now, Sabrina is only eleven years old, yet she is able to provide a wealth of information to Mom about Mom's kids. Same was/is true about me. Being the oldest of my sib group, I made it my responsibility to burn into my mind Joe and Daniel's lives, so that they could have memories through me. Even now Joe will ask me, "Yolie, do you remember..." or "Yolie, tell Tameshia this really happened when we were little." Again, we validate each other's existence before anyone here ever knew us. Not many people can say that they knew their sibs before they knew thier mother. As an adopted sib group, we can. And then, when you put so many sib groups together and weave them into one hige sib group, it is amazing. So many histories, so many personalities, so many lives, leaning on each other and loving one another....it's beautiful (and always interesting!). Now, after saying all this, I should also point out that while the sib groups within our family have amazing bonds, outsiders never know which kids belong to which sib groups. After fourteen years of knowing a certain pastor at our church, we were talking and he asked "now who did you come with?" I think this is a compliment to our family. Usually, the answer is "I don't remember anymore!" As for last night, I pray for many more nights like that. Daniel and Chuck talking golf, Joe rocking Alyssa to sleep and me sitting there in hog heaven.