Rebuttal

I woke up this morning with a big grin on my face. My son, now almost seven weeks old, slept from 10pm to 2 am, and then from 2:30am to 6:30am! I felt like I'd won the lottery or something! I haven't had that much sleep in, well, nearly seven weeks. So, of course, I call my mom to brag about what a wonderful morning I was having. Unfortunately, she was having a tough morning. She went on to tell me about a blog she had read earlier that morning, and when I had a chance I read that blog along with my mom's. As an adoption caseworker (I still claim it even though I'm now a stay-at-home mom), I totally get what both adoptive parents are screaming about. No, it's not fair that the very people who dedicate their lives to hurt children are the ones who must endure the consequences of birth parents' choices. If I may, though, allow me to speak as one of those hurt children. I often hear adoptive parents say to adopted kids that they are special because they were chosen. While the statement is meant to impart a sense of love and acceptance from parent to child, to a child who has been hurt it can hold two very different meanings. In order for mom to have chosen me to be her kid, I had to have been "chosen" by someone or something (when I was young I blamed God) to be hurt, abused, neglected, tossed aside. Yes, birth kids may look at their parents and see a team to work together with (although let me point out that the majority of people in jail, juvenile detention centers, etc. are not adopted children...so we may be getting a bad rep), but who can blame us for seeing nothing but another person to manipulate, hurt, and disappoint us? Now, I speak from experience when I say that the hellish rebellion we put our adoptive parents through hurts us more than it hurts them. Oftentimes, the adoptive parent is feeling rejected, unloved, unappreciated, hurt, anger and a variety of other emotions when the adopted child is unleashing their pain on them. Welcome to our lives, every day since birth these emotions have been our constant companions. While oftentimes the adoptive parents are remembering an easier time, wondering why in the world they took this burden on, we have no easier time to remember, which is why we are acting the way we are. Now, my mom knows that I get it when she is dealing with the extremely difficult behaviors she deals with. I too find myself wondering why my sibs won't just act right and appreciate her, until I remember my own journey and then I realize that it will take time. Lots of time.

One more thing. I read the blog about nature vs. nurture. I would like to tell adoptive parents not to undersell yourselves. While your adopted child may end serving five years in prison for who knows what, it may have been your influence that caused them not to be on death row. One of my previous adoptive mothers (through work) often says that she is glad when her kids punch a hole in the wall, because they didn't punch a hole in someone's face. Just look at me. I was born to a manipulative, abusive, psychotic drug addict. If I were bound by genetics it would be a tragedy.