cj

my son is fifteen days old today. as i type with one hand (because he is slung over my other shoulder) i can't help but be amazed at the miracle that he is. yes, it has been hard! the first week felt like a whirlwind of excitement, exhaustion, awe and pain (the stitches...ouch!). i am just now starting to feel somewhat human again, but i must say that every time i look at cj, which happens to be every minute, i am utterly in love. he is so perfect. from his crinckled up ears to the way he grunts the entire time he nurses, he is perfect. at three this morning, as he got me up yet again to eat, i stared at him and thought about how blessed i am to have him. i cannot begin to explain how "full-circle" so many of my emotions have come. things i thought i "got" have become so much more clear now that i am a mama. cj's birth has already taught me so much. i look at him and fully, fully understand that children bear absolutely no responsibility in the choices their parents make. cj could be as perfect as he is, and if i chose not to make him my priority, it would not be a reflection on him. his birth has also brought me to a point where i cannot bear the thought of all the kids without a family. he is so helpless, so needy and so vulnerable. he needs me, as all kids need their parents. and yet, we have come to a place in our society where kids are thrown away and left to fend for themselves. it makes even less sense to me now that i am a mom. anyway, i know i am all over the place (i'll blame it on sleep deprivation), but i really have so much going through my head and heart. i'll end this blog with once again sayong just how perfect my child is. i can do that because it's my blog!