It's been a long time since I've posted anything but pictures on my blog. Lots of things have happened, but mainly I've been busy with CJ and since Sunday, my new puppy Ella (a beautiful English Mastiff my sweet husband got me for Mother's Day). I've often thought of things I could blog about, but then I remember that the last time I blogged about everything it became a bit overwhelming, as if only bad things were happening so I could write about them. My blog just seemed so heavy all the time (aside from the pictures), so I took a break. Well, my plan didn't necessarily work. As is with life, difficult times have kept on coming, so I decided I will blog in order to look back in the future and see how God worked miracles in our everyday difficulties. Right now, I have two hard things going on. One, my sister-in-law had to have an emergency C-section ten weeks too early, which brought my beautiful new niece Eden into the world weighing a mere 2 lbs 6 oz. She will have to stay in the hospital for at least a month, hopefully not longer. My sister-in-law is having a very difficult time leaving her baby girl in the hospital as well as trying to get her own health stabilized, which has proved to be very difficult so far. This has put an enormous amount of sadness and uncertainty in my "other" family (in-laws), which is somewhat unnerving for me, as Chuck is usually my rock and now we are all out of whack. Second, I have been trying to deal with the totally unfair way my Mom has been treated now for the last couple of months. This is a complicated one, as at one point I was the vessel which caused my Mom so much grief. Now, as I watch my younger brothers and sisters (mostly brothers I might add...who said boys are easier?) constantly being hateful to her, spewing out their anger and rage at her, it makes me very sad. I wish I could fast forward for her and for them, shielding her from the bullets while allowing my siblings to finally see our Mom for the amazing woman she really is. Like an inexperienced, just out of training adoptive parent, I want them to be grateful, but as a I know all too well, that's not reality. I've told my Mom that sometimes when she is telling me about how the kid are acting, I feel torn between wanting to "smack some sense" into them and feeling guilty myself because I know that at one point that person she's talking about was me. Of course, being the Mom that she is, she reminds me that she has forgiven me for those times and that I shouldn't fell that. But I can't help it. I want her to live a peaceful, fun life with the kids, and yet I know that the very nature of our family makes that almost impossible. She is the mother to very angry and hurt kids, and because she chooses to love us she pays for it every day. The unfairness of it makes me very sad and yet I know that those same kids will make her proud one day, and they will in turn be so proud to be her child. I just wish they wouldn't have to look back as I do and regret not taking advantage of the little time we do get to be kids with a real Mom. Thank God she's our forever Mom, because at least we can make up for it.
